My heart hurts. 😦 I can’t wait to go on a vacation, in a few weeks. I think a vacation is what I need. I need to be relaxed and just enjoy myself. I been planning on going to (Atlantic City) for months with a relative. 🙂
I need time away from the nonsense. I need time away to heal my own heart and find out what the true meaning of living life really is.
Perhaps, walking the really, really long boardwalk with all of my favorite songs, with my headphones in my ears. Spending money and shopping. (A reference to Drake. ‘Now it’s therapeutic, blowing money in the galleria’. Maybe, walking on the beach and listening to the sounds of the waves.
I have to stop letting all these crazy assumptions into my head. Thinking ‘What if Ted is having a fling and cheating on me’ or ‘Wanting more of my cousins to visit even though there busy lives are too important to spend time with me’. (These are things that are heavy on my heart).
These are….it’s something-I shouldn’t cry over. The things that are most important in my life, is what should really be on my own mind.
And how I can continue to get better at producing and working on myself as a person. I just feel as if, I’m somebody that no one likes to hangout with. I’m too weird. Too passionate. Awkward. And creepy. But that’s just me. That and then some makes me unique. And there is nothing wrong with being unique at all. We all have different qualities that people like an dislike.
No one is normal to be exact.
Why would anyone want to tell me “I don’t want to hangout with him. He’s a loser. He probably has imaginary friends”. Why would someone say something that hurtful?.
I may not seem like I’m much, but no matter what they say about me, they couldn’t count 100 friends that will be there for them like I will.
I’m human. I have emotions.
So why play with my emotions?
Why be that jerk to say something that doesn’t want that same thing said back to them?.
Why would any of them want the satisfaction of seeing me hurt, emotionally and mentally?
That’s why i separate myself from my cousins. That’s why I never come over anymore. I won’t be where people will make fun of me for being who I am. If they don’t like me the way I am, then too bad. I’m not going to change for NO ONE. I always allowed them to be themselves around me and I never got mad or bent out of shape about it.
But if they feel like that about me, then I hope one day they come around realize that what they said was stupid and wrong. I thought they wanted to hangout with me. Cousins are supposed to be like brothers and sisters. Not bullies. Or fake smiles. But in the words of Drake. “That’s right, I’m doing me”. And… “Ima worry about me, give a fuck about you”.