Cold wind

 It seems like me being happy seems to be out of the question, when I’m with my relatives. I know. I know everything. I know when they’re speaking Spanish, it’s about me. Over the phone-just now my aunt and my grandma were talking about me. It’s starting to irritate me, now.

 All of a sudden….I’m lazy. And all I care about is riding my bike. They throw the two words “Me” and “Lazy” in the same sentence all the time. It’s a bunch of bullshit. But they do it tear me down, and I have no idea why. At that damn office job, I have done what they needed me to do, and what they’ve asked of me. I made mistakes on scanning and what not, but I still showed up early.

 I don’t understand it.


 I want to stay active and workout. Would it be okay, if I was a HUGE couch potato? Would it be okay if I never went to school? If I never wanted to work and play video games all day? Would it be okay to do all that? 

 This is why I’m unhappy. This is why I get feisty. Not because I want to. I don’t want to get like that. They bring that out in me, and I hate that. Maybe, they’re in love with me or something. 

 I don’t think working where my aunt works is a joke. She needs get that oxygen movie lifetime shit out of her head. I’m just trying to make the job somewhat fun and enjoyable. It’s boring as fuck to be in an intense work environment.  You gotta have some fun and be a kid every once in a while. Sheesh. 

 They forget that I do the landscaping work outside and clean up the house. All which I get paid to do. I took this office job to get something different plus I thought it would be cool, but it’s turning out that my second job is a lot better. When they say things like that….I can’t tell them to go fuck themselves because that makes me look bad, and I was raised better than that.

They’re making themselves look like fools, because instead of saying how I’m working and helping out, they still talk negatively about me. 

 What is it that they have against me? Could it be jealously? What do they have to be jealous of? My life is NOT a vacation. I do what I love because it makes me happy. I don’t think there is anything wrong with blogging, and exercising. But to my aunt and grandma it’s considered horrible. 

 WHAT THE FUCK did i ever to them? And how is doing something that’s good for me, so awful? 

 And I know that tomorrow morning, I’m most likely going to get a lecture from my aunt about what she said to my grandma. I don’t want to do certain jobs in the office, because I can’t multi-task and I’ve tried it a couple times. My other job, I get paid more. Yeah, it’s more moving around, and more physical but at least I won’t be bored. At least when I do landscaping or Clean/maintenance work, I work with my smile on my face, because there are NO nosy people. Just me and my music. It’s peaceful. 

 It’s crap that I don’t want to yell. I don’t want to fight. i don’t want to scream about it, because what would I get out of it? Not a damn thing. 

 If they want to talk shit about me, they’re more than welcome to try an increase there self esteem. I don’t give two shits about what they say about me. They’re unhappy and have nothing good going on. People who talk shit to make themselves feel better are insecure. 

 They want me to lose my composure so they can gossip, but they will never get to see me do that. It’s not the right thing to do. 

 I’m just going to stay away from my aunt and continue working at my other job and my other writing projects. THAT’S my MAIN focus.

 I’m not in any mood to hear any shit tomorrow. All I’m going to do is ignore her. I don’t work with her to get lectured and go home pissed off. But it’s been that way, and I don’t mind quitting. If I quit the job at the office, I’ll have to hear everyone’s opinion and I don’t want to feel like I have no choice.

 I’m an adult. 

 It’s a huge pain in the ass to feel like I should stop what I’m doing and try to cater to two people who think they’re my master and I’m the server. Sorry, but that kind of thing don’t fly with me. I’m a good man, but an attitude problem is necessary when I’m being told how to live the way I should or what I need to do. 

 That’s why lately I’m finding myself being….Well, sad. But as my dad told me a few months ago, do whatever it is I have to do to keep myself distance from people who have no common sense, (or) who want to think there shit don’t stink. 

 I been trying to talk with them and build a relationship, but it’s hard to do that, when you feel your back is against the wall, emotionally. 

 If I have to just say to my aunt and grandma “Hey, how are you?” And nothing more, then that’s what I’ll do. When I went to the movies three weeks in a row, I had a lot of fun. No relatives to think they can boss me around. It was awesome. 🙂

 I know, I been venting as of late but I need to just write this down and get it off my mind. Thank you for reading and listening.

 My best friend is always telling me not to let there stupid comments get to me. (I went to visit last weekend, but he was in the shower and was going to go somewhere). I guess, I’m considered the black sheep in the family. My muscles are sore, I’m tired and them putting the pounds of lectures and words on my shoulders isn’t helping. I’m also going to avoid any bar-b-ques and just hangout somewhere in a nice coffee place and read a book.  Probably go to the movies. 

 If any one doesn’t want you to be happy, fuck them. Fuck them if they can’t take a joke.

 Make yourselves happy. 🙂


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